#settlement - OUR SHITTY HOPES AND DREAMS.
Monday 1st April - Saturday 6th April 2013.
Gordon Works, Valley Road, Meersbrook, S8 9FT.
Twitter #settlement @stephen_carley
Q. Ok, so can you tell me about that big fucking hill over there? A. Well... it's sort of 'like' a lump of granite or sandstone or gritstone or some kind of rock stuff with mud and gravel and grass and houses and trees and things on the top and slippery slopes. Nowt posh really... Q. So, do you live on a big fucking hill? A. Nah, we live in a fucking soggy wet valley with complete 'strangers' as neighbours. Q. Oh, that could be a problem - Do you know anyone with a big boat like that chap Noah, just in case 'the big flood' comes? A. Hmm, I'm not sure, I don’t think I know anyone like that... but I once built a canoe with my Dad (the old man) when I was about 14 (approx)... so I know all about that sort of stuff so if 'the big flood' came Id knock a canoe up sharp-ish (Sigh) (pause) (sic) Oh when will our ship come over the horizon... Q. So, are you sorely tempted to go up the big fucking hill to see what things and stuff look like down here in the fucking soggy wet valley? A. Yeah and then we can all stand right on the edge of the fucking steepest bit that's like a cliff or precipice or some kind of Hitchcock scary high place and pretend we are gonna jump or fly or glide or some other kind of thing where our feet don't touch the ground. Q. So, do your neighbours go up the hill? A. I saw them go up there once but they didn't see me or they looked the other way or felt embarrassed or something like that. Q. So, can you see all the other hills when you go up that big fucking hill? A. If I spin around on my heels, or put my glasses on, or hope and pray for a bright sunny day, yeah. Q. So why do you still live in this soggy wet fucking valley? A. You sort of slide down here and settle at the bottom and then just think 'oh well, this will do' and then get rheumatism or The Flu or something and then its hard to walk back up. You just get sort of stuck... Q. You know this valley fucking stinks don’t you? A. Can’t tell really - the freezing fucking rain numbs my nostrils and the constant howling fucking gale just blows the dust and crap and stuff around. Q. So, do you talk to your neighbours or just 'have words' now and again, or just listen to them through the paper thin walls clearing their throats in the morning and think WTF? A. Keep myself to myself mate... What you don't know won't hurt you, smile and say hello now and again. Some of them can just fuck off though. Some of them aren't from round here. You know some people think this is as low as you can go, living in this valley. Some people think their new neighbours are like invaders taking over, coming over on boats and stuff, who knows? Q. Look, can you get out of my way for a second I need to look out of the window... Hey, you can see the big fucking hill clearly from your bedroom window. A. Really - I think its fuck all view to be honest. All I can see are faces in windows, Sky satellite dishes, broken dustbins and really shit cars. Q. So tell me about that scary ghost you've seen in your house? A. No, Bollocks, fuck off. Q. Go on, I wont tell anyone else. A. OK, Look, There's this one bastard who scares the ‘living shit’ out of me every now and then. Q. So what does it take to scare the ‘living shit’ out of you? A. Oh I dunno, just creaky floorboards or the wind blowing a window shut with a bang or a door creaking in a draft or a letterbox flapping or a tap dripping or just being poor all of my life... Q. Do 'the kids' still play on your street? A. I saw some a while ago playing with a crap skateboard and some stuff out of a skip, but an old woman yelled at them for being too noisy and they ran off (flicking the V's and calling out 'wanker' and 'old cunt' and 'we have as much right as you to use this public space' and I haven't seen them since then. I saw in the paper that the kids / yoof / etc are responsible for stuff that is (a) missing / lost, (b) stolen / borrowed (c) destroyed / vandalised. I dunno really... Q. Do the net curtains twitch across the road? A. I think so - I peek out and think I see a face then they vanish. Perhaps they are just watching the shit weather and all the water - it all settles here, it just sort of trickles down... Q. So is your street a happy street? A. Who knows, I hear laughing and shouting late at night, so it might be, but then again I heard a kid screaming last week and a loud voice telling it to 'shut the fuck up' or something like that... Q. If you want you can borrow my fucking glasses today. A. I can't risk it; they are a fucking nasty shade of tinted rose. Have you got some blinkers or an eye patch or V. Dark shades or a visor or a brown paper bag?